Last 3 weeks

I feel like now is a good time to update. Basically the last 3 weeks i've just been grinding and still completely breaking even after expenses. It's definitely frustrating and at times I feel like never playing poker again but there's always a new day and my determination seems to refuel. I think I really used to get frustrated over the fact that I've been losing to players that clearly I should be winning against and it makes me feel that if only I'd be playing against better players that I'd do so much better. Maybe its true but at the same time I need to take advantage of 1/2. There's a decent amount of money on the table at any given time and if I can average +1 buy-in/session then that's $300/day assuming I play every day. I'm also really fortunate to have friends that are willing to lend me money to get me through these hard times. Atleast that gives me some positive reenforcement when there's nothing else to look forward to. All I can do is keep playing my game and hope that the variance doesn't wipe me out.
In terms of bankroll management, it's really not everything. I truly feel if I have $300 every time I want to put in a session at 1/2 that it is enough for me to eventually build up a roll. All it takes is one decent run. I'm not saying that a 3k bankroll for 1/2 isn't helpful, but its certainly not necessary. Your own skills vs. directly your opponents skills is what will determine your outcome. Considering the fact that I really don't have any income and have still been able to scrape up money to take shots with there's really not a huge difference between a 15 buy-in bankroll and a 3 buy-in bankroll. It's more important to look at what resources or friends are available that you can borrow from. Amongst poker players, borrowing is essential in helping you survive especially when you're trying to make a living. That's why your word is everything. It's important to make good connections and always pay back on time, which i'm still working on.
Right now I owe 4k to 2 ppl and have about 1k that is owed to me. The hardest part is that it's my first real downswing at 1/2 but I can't say its a horrible experience. This will help me learn for the future until eventually I will not have to worry about going broke. Playing for a living has alot of complex aspects to it and ultimately it depends 100% on how you handle your adversity. That's the only reason why people give up playing poker for a living, but its understandable. No one knows how truly difficult it is until they try and do it for themselves, but atleast there is some merit in the end if you can get through it. Honestly, I don't know what will happen in the future. I have $740 to work with and I owe my credit card bill in a few days but I do feel confident for sure.

On Dec. 4 I went down to AC and stayed there till Sunday. I made a few friends at the table, luckily I met someone who is also a grinder at 1/2 and we began to talk. There's alot of really small subtle things that happen that gives me reassurance. That 4 day session I broke even.
I went home Sunday night for my brother's birthday and then headed back out to AC again Monday morning. I played till about 10am and then got a room at the holiday inn express for $60. Stayed in AC till Wednesday and then went home. From that week I finished even.

I think then I played at Bloomfield and finished up 360. I was gonna go back to AC for that following weekend but then decided to go up to Turning Stone instead. I only had $260 to go with and ran it up to $850 but then finished with only $500 in my pocket. Afterwards when I got back I put in a few more sessions at AC and paid back my other friend who i owed some money to since i was really late on that payment and he needed the money. Then I went down again to AC for the rest of the week and got a room with Eng Thursday night at Borgata, ended up using up my comps but that's fine. Overall it has just been grueling break even poker.

Starting 2009 i'm gonna record all my sessions again. I feel like it will be a fresh start for me and i'm really confident that things will begin to even out. Hopefully I will have good news to report about in my next update.