Just can't book a win

Well, I officially haven't won at all this month for February. It's depressing and demoralizing as fuck, but it is what it is. I'm trying to stay level headed when I play but it's impossible to play your best during a downswing. Today was a different beast. I woke up at Borgata around 6am after being on a fucked up sleep schedule and went downstairs. I played some 1/2 until 11am and finished down $70. Then i was really feeling the 100+20 11am tourny so i registered for that. Early on i got built up to about 48k with 10k starting chips. There were only 48 entrants and before i knew it we were at 3 tables and i was feeling great. First was $1900 and I wanted it sooo bad. Then disaster strikes, folds around to me and i button raise with A7c, sb shoves for 7k which was like 5 bb's more and i called, he had K7 and spiked a K. Very next hand blinds go up to 600/1200, utg shoves for 8k, i felt like i could possibly have him dominated or a coinflip at worst so I called after it was folded around to me and we both had AJ, 4 clubs on the board and he wins with the Ac. Then soon after i pick up 44 when another shortstack shoves utg, goes folded around to me in the cutoff and i call he has AK and i lose that as well. Then after that pot I was down to about 17k and blinds were still 1/2k with a 300 ante, it went folded around to me in middle position and i shoved with KJ, goes folded around to the BB who wakes up with 99 and i lose.

Oh yea, just remembered another hand early in the tournament. we're playing 5 handed like the first half hour of the tourny til more ppl fill up the seats since there's late registration and this hand comes up: we're playing 25/50 with deep 10k stacks. UTG limps and goes folded around to me in the sb i got AA and make it 100 on top, BB calls and UTG calls, flop J and 2 low cards with 2 diamonds. I bet $250. Crazy amateur guy who has no idea how to play deep makes it $1k on top. he had me covered and i knew he would make a big bet on the turn no matter what card so i put him on a J and smooth called, other guy folds. turn Kd. . i check, guy bets $2500 i think for like 20-30 seconds and then decide to go all in for $8500ish total, he thinks for liek 10 seconds like he can't believe what just happened and then folds, i show the AA assuming it was best and he goes silent, then he says i had 2 pair so i was like uhhh what? u folded 2 pair? KJ? i was confused, he didn't answer and said, thought you had a flush... mad weird but if he had called then i probably would've been out and coudl've atleast went to the cash game.

After this i had $500 left and wanted to get it back in the cash game. I was kind of pissed that i had such a bad run of cards but i let it go and proceeded to start a new session. I went to 2/5 and sat with $300 and had $200 more to reload. The money was fronted by friend who gave me 1k that previous friday and then i left for AC. I hadn't been having much luck the first few days at 1/2 and 2/5 and dwindled down to $600. So i sit at this new table and everyone has about 300-500 in chips, maybe a little bit more but nothing too crazy. I dwindled down to about $180 and then picked up 33 flopped a set on K 9 3 and doubled up. Then a few hands later i pick up AA. I make it 20 to go and get 2 callers. Flop comes K 4 7, 2 hearts, checked around to me and i made a small bet and got 2 callers. turn is a black J. checks to me and i bet $115 into about $150 and this lady thinks for a while and then calls. river 8h, she insta shoves i have like $120 left and I have to call since i did not put her on a draw and figured she had to have KJ at best but w/e i had to look it up and she had JJ. After this i reloaded for $200 more, dwindled down to about $125 and then shoved preflop when there was about $100 in dead money preflop and an opening raiser made it $25 to go he had JJ i had TT and that was the end of the trip for me. I barely made it home for some reason i kept nodding off and had to pull over and take naps at the rest stops but eventually i did make it back. Needless to say, i felt like i went through hell but it feels good to be home and have my own bed to sleep in tonight. I'm gonna try to grind with what i have online and really try hard to build from that since i have no cash left.

I can't imagine how much longer I can endure of this but as King Niche once told me, you must embrace the beats and never quit even with your balls in the sandtrap....